«A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that directly or indirectly causes itself to become true” Robert K. Merton.
Have you ever noticed that our fears, anxieties and worst expectations tend to come true? I have observed it many times in my life. Almost every time. And it doesn’t matter what kind of fears I had, such as fail at the exam, or that my cat would jump out of the window from the 9th floor, or even the fear of death of my relatives.
Psychologists explain this phenomenon by the fact that our expectations, attitudes and mindsets affect our behavior in a way that we bring all our fears into life. Convincing? Maybe yes. It can explain well the fail at the exam, when I physically was there, and I could subconsciously behave in a certain way; but what about such fears as the one of the death of the loved ones? Moreover, how they (psychologists) can explain the fact that the cat even so jumped out of the window?
I’m sure there is still power affecting our lives – this is belief. It consists of spiritual energy influencing our lives, and if we believe in something bad, it just happens to us. This law works both in negative and in positive way, the thing is that fears often are stronger than conscious mental activity. All of what we believe in is transforming into our inner reality. And what is inside – it comes outside, it was proved by Robert Merton in 1948.
So, how to deal with fears? This is what I do:
- You should understand what you are afraid of.
It seems to be an easy task but in fact, it is not. The true inner fear is hiding, as characters of the cartoon “Monsters Co.” in the cupboards and under the children’s beds. At first, you should find your monsters.
There are many techniques that can help you to do it. I recommend all types of writing techniques and practices, it does not matter what you use – diaries, free writing / free blogging, morning pages or anything else.
I was writing a book called “burn after reading”, I started writing everything that came to my head – it helped a lot to find out the “mental rubbish” – negatives thoughts and mindsets. Then I was asking questions to myself in order to analyze and to sort it out.
- You should recognize and accept your fears.
For me it means to recognize my fears either as part of myself or something from outside, the pest that has no relation to me. If you recognize the fear as a part of yourself – it means you face a “constructive fear” that plays some constructive role your life. For example, you are afraid of high speed, it will save you from many injuries if you do like me snowboarding. In case your fear is a pest, then you will probably decide to get rid of it.
How do I do it:
There are many ways, I usually use this one:
- You draw your fear as realistically as possible
- Concentrate yourself at this drawing and try to see and feel your fear inside yourself
- Try to find the place where your fear lives. Usually it is not a difficult task – we normally feel a muscle tension in this place, and it is very difficult to relax it. My fears lived in solar plexus and on my shoulders.
- Physically take your fears out. I physically pulled my fears out that looked like ugly black crabs.
- Throw it out
- Relax the place where your fear was located.
- Burn or destroy the picture of your fear
- Take a challenge to do something that you never did because of your fears! From now on try to understand and control your thoughts often followed by negative emotions. Dare to challenge yourself – every fear we have is just a step on the way of our personal development!
Stay positive and be happy!
It’s a right moment 4 challenge!